Crisis of Confidence

                This morning I definitely suffered a crisis of confidence. While running this morning it seemed like the task laid out before me seems unreachable. I’m not sure if it was the stifling heat of the gym or the impact that the cast on my right hand has on my gait. Regardless of the issue I started to doubt myself, my training and my overall abilities.

                My run this morning was decent, time wise I won’t be breaking into any record books but I did my run on a 3% incline at a 5.6mph speed. It was challenging beyond any basic without obstacles and mud run that I have attempted thus far.

                The Marine Corps Marathon is now 110 days away and I’m realizing that I’m behind in my distance training. I think part of it is a lack of motivation….some of it could be that once again I’m dealing with an injury. While I’m proud of my mangled hand, and what has turned out to be a torn thumb ligament, I’m finding the cast is messing with my balance and I find it distracting. The other factor in the lack of motivation is not having someone to run with. Intellectually I know that running is a solitary sport, part of what drew me to it as a means of dealing with life, however as I need to run longer and longer distances I find the lack of running companionship to be challenging.

                It was ironic that as I sat down to write this I spotted a link on the Mud Mafia Facebook page from Runner’s World about how to stay motivated. I found a few of the tips helpful, others made me chuckle but perhaps it will help others find their way. (http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-243-297--11733-0,00.html)

                In the end I know that I need to man up and just do it, as the cliché Nike ads all say. No one is going to be able to accomplish this but me. I may have the assistance of my trainer Regina and my fellow troops in SoldierFit along with friends that are also pursing similar goals, but in the end it is I alone that needs to get out of bed and run. I have achieved much harder things but I think part of why I struggle is that those where incidents that were thrust upon me, I had no other choice then to push forward. This time, I have put the pressure on myself; I have made the conscious decision to put myself through these paces.

                One thing I came across last night was the poem “Invitcus” by William Ernest Henley I had jotted it down for some reason or another (prior to the popularity of my dream boy Matt Damon’s movie of the same name) It has provided me with a degree of perspective and focus:

Out of the night that covers me, 
Black as the Pit from pole to pole, 
I thank whatever gods may be 
For my unconquerable soul. 

In the fell clutch of circumstance 
I have not winced nor cried aloud. 
Under the bludgeonings of chance 
My head is bloody, but unbowed. 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears 
Looms but the Horror of the shade, 
And yet the menace of the years 
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. 

It matters not how strait the gate, 
How charged with punishments the scroll. 
I am the master of my fate: 
I am the captain of my soul.

A Successful Race with Killer Socks

                The Marine Corps Irish Sprint turned out to be my best running (of the non-obstacle variety) experience so far. I finished the 10K in 1:21:10. Probably not a terrific record breaking time by any stretch of the imagination but the day was full of new experiences, a snazzy shirt supporting the Peoria (IL) Police Benevolent Association and an awesome pair of Superman socks, complete with flapping capes.  

                The majority of the race was a trail run, something I have never done before. Still lacking health insurance and possessing a desire to have an injury free training season, I took the trail was reserved enthusiasm. I kept a consistent, somewhat slow pace and watched for rocks, tree roots and anything else that would be an issue. On the other hand, when I was on the sections of the course that were asphalt I was more gung-ho and let myself run full out. I just let myself go and focused on the sun and crisp air as I just relaxed into the run.  The hills were a challenge mostly because they were hills but also because they were trail hills. I walked the larger trail hills and made some valiant efforts at running the asphalt hills. Overall, the course was a new experience for me because I haven’t run a course that is so hilly before so I tried a few techniques that I have learned from Regina (my friend and trainer) and just used the day as a learning experience.

                The day wasn’t just devoted to furthering my knowledge of my body and running. I’ve been tinkering with my playlist for awhile. Vacillating between using audio books (Rob Lowe’s dulcet tones make a nice running companion by the way) and using a combination of bass pounding and classical music. After much trial and error and frustration, I finally created a play list that kept me going at the right moments and also seemed to provide the necessary “breather” music when it was time to ease up a little.

                And no race would be complete without me befriending a runner or two along the way. In fact I slowed my pace a little bit to run with “Birthday Girl” (despite chatting about everything else we didn’t exchange names) who was celebrating her 45^th birthday by running, her friends who had joined her for the race had left her behind. She was struggling so we chatted and kept going for awhile. We eventually got separated but I made sure to wait for her once I crossed the finish line so that we could get our golden tickets together.  My mom teased me about once again helping out another runner. I honestly don’t know why I feel compelled to do it, but somehow it makes the day more special and the accomplishment of crossing the line sweeter. It’s not an ego thing, just a human nature kind of thing.

                I was super stoked to cross the finish line. Not just because I felt like it was the best race I had ever run but also because its completion meant that I got entry into the Marine Corps Marathon, which sold out in a record 2 hours and 30 minutes.  

A Belated New Year's Resolution

As a new year’s resolution I vowed that I would write/journal/blog every day. While I wrote in my nice little journal everyday…..for about a week, I seemed to have abandoned my blog lately. It was originally intended to track my journey as I prepared for my first marathon. Even during that process I was lax in my writing.

As the weather has turned even nicer than the unseasonable warm winter we have had in Maryland, I have found myself running and training more. With that increased time on my feet has come an increase in my internal mumblings that I have felt more compelled to jot down as of late.

After watching Spirit of the Marathon, a really amazing 2007 documentary that was gifted to me last year as a “must watch” while prepping for my marathon…..I must admit that I didn’t watch it until last week, I was inspired. And as a result, my focus and drive was kick started. I want to ensure that I am properly prepared for this year’s Marine Corps Marathon.

While going through the Hal Higdon running plan that will in 18 weeks prep me for my second marathon, I realized how unprepared I really was last year. Due to injuries I was really sidelined in training….honestly it’s kind of a miracle that I was able to complete the marathon when I take into account my overall lack of mileage and long distance running prior to race day.

So I have decided to rectify that this year by ensuring that I take a focused, well planned and injury free approach to training. Along with that process will hopefully be more blog posts with thoughts about training, life, mud runs, strange toe nail issues and not getting smushed by a car….a task that proves challenging when living in the while trying to train for marathons.

This post, while not especially exciting or long winded as previous posts, will kick off my 2012 blogging attempt. Lets hope this year is better then last, with more posts and fewer injuries. Cheers!

PS Due to a less than positive experience with champagne, none was consumed in the writing of this blog....though you are welcome to imbibe to help me start off my belated New Year.