Making Memories That Are More Important Than Running

Last night Jesi and I traveled to a Group Mission Workcamp Site in Pennsylvania in order to surprise her Dad for his 50th birthday. I will admit I was a bit bummed that I would be missing my training run since I've finally found a training rhythm, but sometimes there are things in life that are more important than training runs.

I lost my Daddy about two years after his 50th, it was sudden and shocking but at the same time I didn't grasp the far reaching impact of his loss. I was 18 years old and so overwhelmed with decisions and choices that instantly ended my childhood and made me an adult that I didn't really have time to think about anything. It wasn't until I continued to grow and age and have those important milestones that I truly grasped what that loss has meant to the overall picture of my life.

While Jesi kept thanking me for driving five hours round trip, missing my training run, staying up until 2:30 in the morning all so that we could spend a few hours to surprise her Dad; all I could think about was that I needed to make sure that she has as all the chances to do stuff like that. It's not a poor pity me, but more a desire to ensure that no opportunity is lost to make a special memory.

Training is important, critically important if I plan on meeting and exceeding my goals....but it's the memories of the people and those that we love that will last larger than finishing times and whether or not I got my Wednesday night run in.

Avoiding the Negative

Running effortlessly. Where everything falls into place. Your breath is perfectly timed to your foot fall. Your feet are softly touching the ground but have immense power to propel you forward with the lightest of touches. It’s a perfect moment in a runner’s day. That moment where everything is literally perfect. Seemingly effortless because it truly feels effortless.

 I had that feeling for a brief fleeting moment on Tuesday. Where I thought for a moment this is what the greats feel like. I am one of the greats. And then, my moment was shattered by a fellow classmate who snapped “JJ she said run to the yellow sign, not sprint.” Thankfully Regina spoke up and told me to do my thing.  

I honestly didn’t realize I was sprinting, to me I was just enjoying the feel and the moment and the energy of that fleetingly perfect moment. I was thinking about how this training session was going to make me a better runner. I was thinking about my footfall and how it was touching so softly, not that clodhopper like sound they make when I am tired and dragging. I was feeling the mechanics of my body and making those unconscious adjustments.

I will admit that I have been struggling with my reaction since Tuesday. In an instant, I had allowed someone’s negative, snarky really, comment to take away the awesome feeling that I was having. I was frustrated by her intrusion in my moment. Embarrassed that my hard work and effort were being belittled.

I appreciated Regina coming to my defense, but I spent the remaining time in class stuck in my head, and the thoughts of that morning still continue to pop in and out of thoughts. In an instant, I was left feeling like the odd person out. It is a lonely feeling, to feel as if you are the only one pushing and striving for something beyond the comfort zone. Reaching for something bigger than yourself. Reaching for something that just seems ever so slightly out of reach, but yet you know that if you keep going, keep pushing you will get it.

 I am not intimating that my fellow classmates are lazy or lack drive, we are all there at 6am when one could be sleeping in, but I feel that our goals, our DESIRES are different. In that difference is the basis for the snappy comment. The jab at me as a person. Me as an athlete. Me as a dreamer. Me as goal chaser.

 Andy Frisella talks about the concept of haters in one of his recent podcasts. It's such a common turn of phrase in modern lexicon that I must admit I was quick to use on my classmate. However, she wasn't a hater, she wasn't offering constructive criticism but she wasn't a hater. She just lacked understanding of who I am as a person.

And going beyond her lack of understanding of me as a person and taking myself out of the equation all together, the statement was more about her. She was stating something about something she is personally battling, something that was unsettling inside herself.

Though the larger philosophical part of me is trying to continue to hold that thought in my mind, it still bothers me that I allowed someone else’s negativity to impact my run. It is honestly something that I struggle with on a daily basis in my non-running life. Hopefully with time and practice, I will figure out how to discard/ignore those negative thoughts and vibes and just focus on that effortless feeling.