Now What?

                I’ve noticed the last couple weeks that I’ve had this overwhelming feeling of blah. At first I thought I was coming down with some cootie virus, as I had heard sometimes happens after a marathon. But congestion, nose blowing and achiness did not follow. I’ve just felt sort of melancholy for no particular reason. The holiday’s, while in the past haven’t been spectacular, have actually been pretty decent so far.  I’ve just had this sense of “now what” running through my head. Even though I’ve been training for the FFAT I’ve still had this feeling that I lack direction. Then it hit me as I was driving home from my unsuccessful FFAT…I have spent the last year training for a huge event that is now over with.

                Initially, my training started as a way to get prepared for the FBI physical and fitness test but when that was put on hold due to budget cuts I on a whim signed up for the MCM. From January until October my life was focused on what foods I needed to eat, what body part was injured, my training schedule and finding socks that didn’t give me blisters and helped cut down on the post run stink. Now that the marathon is done and my body is feeling pretty decent and I have found the perfect sock, I am feeling lost.  

                I honestly didn’t realize until the last few weeks how much of my being was shaped by the experience of becoming a runner. My whole life has changed from my sleep pattern to my food to my need to plan my life around my workout and running schedule.

                A recent article in Runners World said that one needs to set new goals, which I have done to a degree. I have already signed up for my next set of races: two half marathons, a 5k and am waiting patiently for January to roll around so that I can sign up for the Marine Corps Irish Sprint. But when I think about a half marathon it seems so small compared to what I did. Then I feel like a pompous dork for thinking that a half marathon is small when I’ve only ever run one marathon in my entire life.

                It’s not that I don’t look forward to my race schedule that will also include a Spartan Race (or two) and a Warrior Dash, but I feel like I want to do something more. As President Bartlet on The West Wing would say “what’s next,” I wonder what’s next. I’ve accomplished a marathon (which I would like to do again) but now I want more but I don’t know what “more” looks like.

                Until I figure out what my “now what” looks like I’ll keep push upping until I pass my FFAT  and I’ll keep running and hopes that along the way I find a direction and purpose.